Heavy breathing, staring at ceilings.

I remember that first night. Better than anything else.

Oh how your hand fit so well into mine... how your eyes made me melt. And you were also the biggest tease I had ever met. Without actually being a tease at all. You wanted more. But nothing at the same time. You had him. You thought you were happy. Well... I thought you were straight, so it was all fair, hm?

But that first time your lips meshed with mine; Before hand I was so scared. I was trying to calculate. I didn't want to make the wrong move. Yes, we were cuddling. And yes, you were holding on to my hand tight. And then you turned, and I went for the eskimo kiss. You caught me off guard tilting your head enough to switch from nose tips to lips. You stole the first kiss.




And with it; my whole heart.<3

Speak

[Autumn]
I'm sitting across the room staring at her.
That weird girl, no one talks to her really.
But I wouldn't mind a conversation.
She's quiet, and never ever speaks.
While everyone wonders if she's a psycho;
I wonder what her voice sounds like.
And why those eyes look so pained.
People talk about her all the time.
I guess she ruined a party or something.
They all say she looks like a trainwreck.
....Well I think she looks perfect.

[Winter]
I sit next to her in social studies.
She never talks.
Never a word to anyone.
Her eyes seem emptier now.
I wonder if she's losing herself.
All day, she just stares at the desk.
If a teacher asks her something, shes mute.
Whatever happened over the summer changed her.
I'm determined to find out what it was.
Her hairs a mess, she wears no make up.
But she's still beautiful.

[Spring]
There's a color to her cheeks now.
And she's actually talking to me these days.
Her voice sounds pretty, like shes some sort of siren.
And her eyes have more light.
I ask her why she likes to be alone.
She tells me no one can hurt her this way.
I took her hand, it was cold compared to mine.
It took her by surprise and scared her at first.
But she smiled for the first time and took me by surprise.
She leaned her head on my shoulder and whispered "Thank you."
She's broken, she's hurting, she's lost.
But she's beautiful and infinite in my eyes.

[Summer]
She asked me to drive her somewhere today.
It was a house, and there was a more secluded spot by it.
She told me what had happened to her here.
The way he had taken something so precious to her.
His hands grabbed, and he touched, and took.
Even though she cried out for him to stop, punched, kicked.
My hands gripped the steering wheel, so I couldn't punch anything.
I wanted to wring his neck and beat the crap out of him.
But instead I grabbed her face and kissed her as hard as I could.
I kissed her to make it all go away, her pain, her anger, him.
We both pulled away at the same time, eyes open, staring.
And we stayed that way for a minute, maybe an hour.
Then she smiled; the wonderful blush creeping up and said:
"I love you too."
She's all mine, she's perfect and she's beautiful.
But then again, she always has been.

The wall.

So I guess I understand what a writers wall looks like now.
Except it looks like its trying to land its way between me and you.
You don't want to be open; And you're quite scared of me.
I wish on every star I've known and seen that you wouldn't be.
But this wall is losing its bricks, because I won't let it stay.
I want to be the one who breaks down all your walls, the way you've broken mine.



Let me in, babe. We can do it. It's me and you.
I love you.



I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

Walk on over to this bit of shade;

Your voice disrupted my skies.
Everything went to color from shades of black and white.
And for once I felt as though...
I don't know maybe someone could wrap me in their arms.
I've been damned by my good intentions for so long.
And I don't know where I'm going.
Oh, but I know I could use some strength to go.
And I haven't found God or anyone strong enough to grant me that.
Not just yet, but I'm still looking.
But the question will remain til' I'm sure.
Are you worth it? Are you certain, are you sure?
You aren't like anyone else in this whole world.
Because you've seen past all the imperfections.
Who I am who I'm not who I want to be.
To this broken mess of a heart, this battle ground.
But when you touched it, it became almost superhuman.
Yes, thats whats beating in me. Cause' of you.
And I'm certain of one thing, oh I'm sure.
I'll stay with you in this comforting bit of shade.


[Based on a bunch of songs I love, all meshed into one crazy ridic poem.]

You have suffered enough.

So worn with yourself;
You should let yourself win.
Take this sinking boat,
Point it home.
We've still got time.
Raise that beautifully hopeful voice.
The choice is still yours.
Let go, or make it back.

Sink your melody.
Sing it loud.
You've made it now.

God, This is Caden.

I remember that night where we just stayed up all night, valentine's weekend. It seems like forever ago now. But it was perfect, even though I managed to hurt you like I seem to always do in those playful situations. [Which I thoroughly apologize for.] I remember how a lot of nights with you were perfect just because we were curled up together under blankets, skin on skin. And even after everything that happened, it was still that way when we curled up together in my bed for the first time. You layed your head on my chest and held on to me tight. It almost brought me to tears to see you like that, but I have to be stronger in front of you. Or at least I seem to think I do.
Every kiss is like an electric shock, sending my hair to stand up on end, making my knees turn to jelly and fire rush to my cheeks. Every time we hold hands I can't help but feel like I'm the luckiest person alive because those hands are always going to be mine to hold. And being snuggled into your arms is like this sense of safety that no one could duplicate. Just being around you feels like you're the only thing tieing me to the ground. You're everything I've been dreaming about baby. Everything I could ever need. You're my better half, the ups to my down, the good to my bad. And no matter what we go through we've got each other.
I don't know what feels better sometimes, knowing you're mine right now, or knowing (should you choose to) you could be mine forever. But I have the satisfaction of knowing right now is more than enough. More than anything I could ask for, with all the wrong I've done by you. Cause you know when the sun forgets to shine, that I'll be there to hold you through the night. We'll be running so fast we could fly tonight. And even when we're miles and miles apart, you're still holding all of my heart, I promise it would never be dark cause I know we're inseperable.

God, this is Caden. I love that girl.

Love & Trust

We seem to keep hitting a head in this crossroad we approached. We are perfect together, we are untameably in love. But something in you is holding back and I accept all the fault in that. But love and trust go hand in hand. And I know you love me, so I know you trust me. However small the amount is its there. Sometimes I wish I could just push you past that, and sometimes I wish I could just take away whatever hurt I've caused, but I'm patient. And so are you with your loving white wings. I don't know if they're real Marissa but I've never seen you without them. Laying beside you at night, awake watching you til the morning approached and the dawn danced across your skin, lighting up every freckle and beauty mark is a memory that sticks to me like the hardest glue. I can seperate the mystery for you. I've put up a block at this point to keep you from hurting me, but I've taken out a few of the bricks recently. Because you're mine again. My girl, my life, my world, my everything. In a way you always were just mine. Nothing could have made it any less true, even when you disregarded claim of me. Me and my loving, unnerving heart. The lion and the lamb.

We are as we always have been. In love and alone in the meadow.
Your hand in mine, somewhere in that far off dream.

But we're gonna make a dream real.





Just hold on tight, don't let go.